College life is an amazing time full of firsts. First party, first 8:00 am lecture (you skip), first love, etc. Greek life — also known as sororities and fraternities — is a major player on most campuses (even though not everyone participates). Sorority women and fraternity men are always wearing their letters, raising money, and most notoriously — throwing parties. Your first frat party can introduce you to some great … and not so great … men, who have joined an organization bigger than themselves.
A noble pursuit – until it’s not.
Among the truly amazing things fraternities do, these types of organizations are also known for a slew of sexual assault allegations in the media, and of course, excessive drinking.
But the biggest stigma they have among college women is that of the infamous hook-up.
A “hook-up” is defined here as a casual sexual encounter that leads to minimal communication, usually in the form of snap-chatting, and eventual ghosting. This lack of communication and the feeling of being used can be a real problem for college women who are already stressed in their new academic environment. Quarter life crisis, here she comes.
Hooking up can be fun and harmless. Never feel guilty about hooking up or being sexually active, because a lot of times it can be healthy and fun. But it can also lead to scary situations and hurt feelings. So, try and go into these situations with a bit of a guard up. Sexual assault is very prevalent on college campuses (like seriously, look up those terrifying stats). Being careful shouldn’t get in the way of having a fun time in college, but using common sense and sticking with your friends can prevent a terrible situation.
If you’re a college student with some thoughts on fraternity guys, you’re not alone. These men can bring some great things to a relationship, but more often than not they can cause their share of heartbreak.
Here are some real college women’s opinions on their experiences (good and bad) with the infamous “bro” — the frat guy:
1. Jenny, age 20
“In high school I never really dated. No one had a relationship at my school, and I thought that in college that was supposed to change. I was so wrong! Being in Greek life is amazing, I’ve met so many wonderful people and have had great opportunities. But being Greek means that even outside of parties, frat guys are really the only guys I hang out with. And no one knows how to disappoint like a frat boy.
“My biggest pet peeve is people not following through, especially if we’ve made plans to hangout. Whenever I try and hangout with a frat boy I’m interested in, I get left to read an hour before we’re supposed to hang out. It’s exhausting. They think they’re all that and you owe them your body. For all you girls reading out there, know that you don’t owe them anything! Dealing with frat guys can be draining, just know you’re worth is my best advice. And don’t get attached, they’re probably hanging out with Sarah from Tri Delta as well.”
2. Lisa, age 18
“Being a freshman on campus has been a really rough transition. I miss my home friends, who were mostly guys. I didn’t join a sorority because I really don’t get along with most girls, so I was really struggling with friends for a while. Then I met Tony from Pi Kappa Alpha, and we instantly became best friends. Now all the guys in his fraternity see me as a little sister, and I couldn’t be happier with my group of bros.”
“That all being said, I would never ever date a frat guy. They’re awesome to be friends with. They always have me dying with their dumb boy humor and are always down for a Midnight McDonalds run. I feel really bad for the girls they play, they’re always talking about some girl they’re hooking up with and bragging about how many they have on their roster. It’s frustrating to hear, but they’re my friends and I know that’s not who they really are. They’re trying to one up each other, some macho competition to see who’s the baddest. But deep down, all frat guys are teddy bears, you just have to get to know them!”
3. Elise, age 21
“I’ve been in college for four years and been [with] my boyfriend for two. He’s the president of his fraternity, so I’m pretty familiar with the guys in his chapter. I hated my junior year roommate, so I spent almost all of my free time at the frat house. Those houses are war zones, full of empty beer cans and gross leftovers. Don’t even get me started on the bathrooms. Once I was walking out of the kitchen, and a huge, hairy rat was staring me down from the top of the stairs!”
“Besides their extremely questionable hygiene standards, I love my fraternity friends and boyfriend. They are sweet and really honest, they’re never afraid to tell it like it is. I know that with girls the younger guys aren’t so nice, I’ve heard war stories from my sisters and my boyfriend about ghosting, crying exes, and even stalking. I would say don’t try and date a frat guy until they’ve matured-give it at least til junior year. They need time to grow up; you don’t want a frat boy, you want a frat MAN. If you do start dating a frat guy, beware that you’re not just dating him, you’re dating his whole fraternity. I can’t count the number of times date night has been crashed by a brother of my boyfriends looking for free food.”
4. Lorraine, age 20
“Let me tell you a story about fraternity men. I’m not in a sorority, so I’m kind of awkward whenever my sorority friends drag me to frat parties. I usually stand in the corner and mind my own business. Three weeks ago, my friends took me to what was supposed to be a smaller party with a frat on campus. An hour in, it turned into a complete, crazy rager with whoever’s apartment we were at getting absolutely trashed. I told my friends I was uncomfortable and wanted to go, so we headed towards the door.”
“Before we made it to the door, we saw a girl at the top of the stairs just quietly observing the chaos and smiling. A guy came up to her and said, “What the hell Chelsea, why’d you bring all of these people? They’re destroying our place!” And without missing a beat this girl looks him dead in the eye and calmly says, “Why’d you sleep with all those girls in our bed? They destroyed my duvet.” The look on the guy’s face was priceless and I’ve never been back to a frat party again, I think I know all I need to about frat guys.”
5. Rebecca, age 22
“I just graduated college last year. It was a lot of fun – most of the time. I didn’t go out a whole lot, mostly staying in and studying as I was trying to get into law school. One night my friends convinced me to go out with them to a bar downtown, as we had all just turned twenty one. I agreed, allowing myself to be dragged to one of the seediest bars in town, notorious for its loud music and terrible drinks. I started talking to this guy a while after we got there. He was wearing Greek letters, although I’m not sure what they were as I was never involved with the that scene as an undergraduate.”
“As we were talking, he kept ordering me more and more drinks. A couple times I tried to say no, but he would act all offended and say things like, “Come on, we’re friends! You can’t say no to a free drink”. So I just kept taking them. Eventually I got so drunk I couldn’t even walk, and he had to carry me out of the bar. I don’t remember seeing my friends, and the next morning they told me that I disappeared less than an hour after we got there. I woke up in this random guy’s bed, it was terrifying. I didn’t know where I was or who I was with, but I knew how violated I felt. I never pressed charges or even got his name, I just wanted it to be over.”
“After lots of counseling I am doing great now. I just want all you young ladies to know that fraternity guys aren’t always as nice as they seem at first, and to have your guard up and your friends close. If you feel like something happened that you didn’t want, contact your campus for resources on who to talk to and how to report. The best advice I received going through this was to not let this guy define me. We all deserve an amazing college career, so don’t let anything or anyone stand in your way.”